She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
