so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
