I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
