I will die if light touches me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
