one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
