I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
