I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i came on her dog
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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