Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
