I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
