Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
