Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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