I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
