Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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