its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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