Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
