My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
