I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
