Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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