he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize