A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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