Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
