She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
