Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize