i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
