Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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