3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
