Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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