Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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