apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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