Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
