i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize