My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
