The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
