This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
