and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize