I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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