Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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