so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize