dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
