I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
