i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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