You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize