Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
