i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
