Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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