She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im holly from the hills drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
