just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
