He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So much Jack, so little girl.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
