You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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