ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
