What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
there is glitter all over my balls
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