I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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