my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
