So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my poor anus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
