Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
