Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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