Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
