he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
