The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
