Pappa wants mamma naked
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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