OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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