i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize