Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
