finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
