Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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