ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
