I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
