i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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