Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
